I have never felt more unmotivated in my life. Well, maybe that’s a bit of an exaggeration considering I managed to get dressed and for my way into the office this morning. With that said, my brain is everywhere and nowhere all at once if that makes any sense at all. I recently stopped taking my ADHD meds because I had no appetite and they mad me ill but I hate feeling like I have to choose between focus and productivity task paralysis and empathy. It’s exhausting. I have found working a job that requires me to focus mentally is so much harder than one that’s physically demanding even with very low energy. It’s exhausting. I have completed nothing and yet my brain has managed to think of everything else I’d rather be doing. I enjoy the company I work for but corporate just isn’t for me. The teams ringtone makes me want to bang my head against a desk and I couldn’t care less about an audit or receivables and deliverables or whatever company jargon there is. I am bored out of my mind and the thought of doing this for 40+ years sounds like a damn nightmare if I’m honest. Lately I think my motivation is even more nonexistent because I work the corporate 9-5 “big girl job” and have nothing to show for it. I don’t qualify to rent my own place. One income isn’t enough but I worked 7 days a week, 2-3 jobs and even then struggled to make it. Maybe someday soon things won’t feel so hard but right now they feel impossible. But all things are possible with God. Where there is a will, there’s a way but the will is fading and I’m lost somewhere in the great beyond. I hate the society we’ve created. There’s no reason a full time job with a decent salary shouldn’t be enough to support me and my daughter. This is not the life we were intended to have and yet we just accept it. I look forward to the day we collectively say, screw this and doing something to change it but I’ve lost faith in humanity. Lord help us…
Sincerely,
Shenanigans
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